Hi Reader,

Last weekend there were 5 teenage boys in my house... 5 boys that like to tackle. I was bracing myself for something or someone to break.

You might be thinking, "So what? Let them have some fun. These are the days..."

But if you're anything like me, you too would have braced yourself for impact a little bit!

Truth be told, they're all such good kids. Nothing was broken and my son's freestanding punching bag got a lot of love and attention. By the way, if you ever find yourself with multiple boys in your house, I highly recommend getting a Wavemaster.

But it was impossible for both of my people-pleasing and perfectionism patterns to not show up at the same darn time.

Wanting to say, "Yes, of course you can..." to every request in an effort to be the perfect mom host who is perfectly pleasing.

But that's not what my son (or his friends) need. They don't need a "yes ma'am," they need guardrails. They don't need perfect, they need caring.

And the same goes for you.

When you say yes when you mean no, you're giving a false sense of security to the other person and you're lying to yourself. This hurts both people and the relationship, makes you feel disconnected and lonely.

When you're aiming for perfectionism, you're holding yourself and others to inhumane standards that only ever lead to shame and disappointment. Once again, this hurts yourself, others, the relationship, and furthers disconnection and loneliness.

Recently, I sat down and chatted with Ashley Welling: fitness expert, wife, mom, and host of the Fitness and Family Podcast. The Fitness and Family Podcast focuses on the intersection of health, wellness, and family life focusing on the 3 pillars of health: Physical, Mental and Social.

We talked about the struggles and origins of people-pleasing and perfectionism, how they lead to feelings of loneliness, and the path back to wholeness and connection.

Click on any of the links below to give it a listen.

I have no doubt you'll gain insights about yourself as a result.

Episode 26: Perfectly Imperf... Jan 26 · Fitness and Family Podca... 57:40   ​

​Listen on iHeart Radio​

​Listen on Amazon Music​

And remember, you are always loved—no matter what.

warmly,

Sherri M. Herman, MA, LPCC
​
​P.S. This was my first time being a guest on a podcast. Give it a listen and let me know how it landed for you! ​
​Listen on Spotify​