Hi Reader,
These past few weeks have been scary and uncertain. The unrest, violence, and intimidation… the fear rippling through communities.
I've been asking people left and right: what's helping you manage the stress and instill hope right now?
I asked you, my friends, my colleagues, and even my chiropractor.
ONE THING I CLEARLY NOTICE
When people are threatened with violence, so many of us actually move towards each other.
It makes me think of a net that is trying to hold too much while an outside force is thrashing at it, trying to tear it apart. However, at the same time, the net begins to shimmer with gold. It becomes stronger. The knots increase in size and strength. The net is infused with energy that it never before knew.
Can you see it, Reader?
Almost like when Popeye "eats me spinach" or when the Grinch's heart grew three sizes and allowed him to lift that huge sleigh of presents up over his head just before it went over the cliff.
That is the power of love. I believe God is love. And when we meet pain with love, we become vessels of that love and we grow stronger.
Try not to roll your eyes... I know it sounds cliche. But I think it's true!!
BUT CONNECTING WITH OTHERS HASN'T ALWAYS FELT SAFE
When you grew up in a home that was marked by more dysfunction than connection, moving towards one another doesn't always come naturally.
It's not a moral failing when you feel a natural urge to isolate or pull away from others; that's a learned response to danger (even if it’s just perceived danger).
There wasn't safety in connection.
Shifting to seeking connection with others during times of difficulty and uncertainty is a BIG shift for adult children. It's a huge leap of faith that challenges your sense of survival on more than one level.
WHY THIS FEELS ESPECIALLY HARD RIGHT NOW
So right now, you're dealing with two things at once.
First, the world around you feels out of alignment with your values. Violence. Intimidation. Fear. Cruelty. Your body experiences this as stress. It's a way that your boundaries are being violated.
Second, your learned response to danger is to pull away and isolate. But that's the opposite of what actually helps.
Your mind will tend more toward anxiety and maybe eventually depression. Because your inner self is begging for your attention, but you may lack the agency to make the change you want to see in the world. Or you're falling into patterns of self-neglect, isolation, or repression.
That can feel suffocating. And it's stressful as hell.
Right now, many people are experiencing that same kind of stress, some more than others.
HERE'S WHAT'S HELPING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW
When I asked what's helping folks manage the stress and instill hope, here's what I heard:
- Taking action to help those in need helps reduce feelings of helplessness
- Engaging in 7 types of rest
- Participating in various forms of peaceful protests, from marches to singing vigils and reading poetry at open mic nights
- Listening to/watching comedy to help calm the nervous system
- Practicing self-regulation techniques like breathwork and somatic work to calm the nervous system
- Paying closer attention to the ways that so many people are coming together to help each other, increase connection, and spread joy and love in the midst of pain and fear
- Connecting with the healing power of water
- And more...
Reader, you can take action. You can rest. You can protest peacefully. You can laugh. You can regulate your nervous system. You can pay attention to love and connection even in the midst of pain and fear.
Even when your instinct is to isolate, you can choose connection.
YOU CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR CONNECTION TO OTHERS
That net I mentioned earlier? You are a critical component of the net.
So am I.
So is your neighbor.
When violence tries to tear you apart and you reach for connection, you shimmer with gold. You become stronger. Your connections multiply. You become infused with energy and strength you never knew you had.
This is not blind optimism or woo-woo. This is what I've witnessed over and over again, both in my own life and in the lives of so many others.
This is what leads to post-traumatic growth.
This is partly why therapy is so powerful. When you are suffering and you reach for another human for connection and support, you're shimmering with gold.
Love is stronger than fear. Connection is stronger than isolation.
We are always stronger together.
KEEP GOING
Keep connecting. Keep shimmering with gold.