Hey Reader,
My mind was telling me, "Oh, just do it. It'll be fine. You don't want to let them down."
Recently I was planning to host a little gathering of friends and their kiddos just a few days after had adopted a new dog (for you dog lovers, we are the proud doggy-parents of a 2.5yo Australian Shepherd named Mango).
Mango is so sweet but also scared. Initially I thought she'd be fine with a few extra people and several kids in the house (ridiculous, I know!) and was trying to convince myself that "it would be fine." But the more I thought about it, the more my stress rose.
The old me would have proceeded as planned. I would’ve stuffed down my stress, plastered on a smile, and let the cortisol rage through my body while I played host.
But these days, I’m much more aware of my stress signals. And I’m actively saying no to unnecessary stress that’s fueled by what I call the Anxious Mind.
When most people think about burnout, they think about endless to-do lists and complete exhaustion.
And yes, that’s what it often looks like.
But here’s what I’ve noticed: burnout doesn’t just come from doing too much — it’s fueled by the Anxious Mind.
Sit with that for a moment. Does it ring true for you?
Burnout is often described as a problem of work overload or poor work-life balance. But if it were only about hours worked, then everyone working long shifts would burn out. We know that’s not true.
What really pushes people into burnout is the constant pressure of anxiety underneath the surface.
The unrelenting pressure to do more, be better, earn your worth, and never, ever disappoint.
The Anxious Mind is the Engine
You know what I'm talking about... it's the voice that tells you:
- Oh, just do one more...
- That's not good enough...
- You haven't done enough...
- You need more...
- Oh, just take care of it.
- Suck it up, buttercup
And so you keep pushing.
- Instead of resting, you refresh your inbox (for the third time in the last 2 minutes).
- Instead of saying no, you agree to host your niece's bridal shower on the same weekend that you're celebrating your mother's birthday... while you also need to work late for the project that's due on Monday.
- Instead of winding down, you scroll late into the night. On Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or you just get consumed by Wordle for hours... maybe with a glass of wine.
- And then you sleep like crap.
So you over-caffeinate tomorrow morning and wash, rinse, repeat.
It's not because you want to live this way, but it's because the Anxious Mind tricks you into believing you have to.
It motivates you with fear.
In other words: the anxious mind drives the behavior, burnout is often the outcome.
Anxiety’s Three Starring Roles in Burnout
- Perfectionism Pressure
Anxiety makes you believe that if you do everything flawlessly, then maybe — just maybe — you’ll finally feel like you're enough. This perfectionism means you put in more hours, more effort, and more energy than necessary, which accelerates burnout. And it never brings the relief you hope for.
- Overcommitment Trap
Anxiety hates saying no. It convinces you that if you decline, others will be disappointed or see you as less capable. So you pile on commitments until you’re running on fumes. The fear of losing connection actually makes you more emotionally isolated and lonely.
- Rest Resistance
Even when you try to rest, anxiety nags at you. “You’re wasting time. You should be productive. You gotta get the ____ done!” This resistance to rest means your body-mind unit never truly get a chance to recover, and burnout becomes inevitable.
Breaking the Cycle
If anxiety drives burnout, then the way out isn’t just about reducing hours worked or taking vacations (though those things help). The deeper work is about learning how to calm anxiety in the body and mind and really give yourself permission to rest. Physically and mentally.
Here is one small shift you can try today:
- Pause to check in with your body before you say yes to the next request. Just a few slow breaths can help you check in with your true capacity before committing.
I Want to Hear From You
Have you noticed anxiety hiding underneath your burnout?
- Maybe you’ve felt guilty about resting.
- Maybe you’ve overcommitted because of worry about letting someone down.
- Maybe perfectionism has been driving you straight into exhaustion.
Contact me and share your experience with me. I read and reply to every email, and lately folks have been enjoying my video replies.